Dandelion Roots and The Worry Spirit

With permission from Dandelion’s Spirit, I’m opening a sacred space for story telling and inviting in Bobinsana, Mapacho, Sananga the Observer in us and our Higher Selves, to support us in our awareness journey. And so it is!

I grew with women that were full of worries. They would see my death at any step, and they tried to keep me in this glass cage. They did not know who they were trying to keep there. At the beginning, I was curious, and I would listen to them, then go inside my little heart and plan a revolution. I couldn’t wait to grow up and be free, do things as I wanted to do them. At this point, I realize that not all worries were unfounded, and my grandma and mama’s wisdom are now seen and cherished.

As a child, their worry would feel heavy. I couldn’t breathe. When other kids were playing outside and riding bicycles or roller, I would be in the garden watching bugs and eating random plants, or I would be in the house reading stories. As you can imagine, I’ve went into the unknown full headed, eager to prove them wrong with a jar full of fears, that were not actually mine.

One by one, I had to look at these fears and release them. I was overwhelmed.

Their biggest fear was that I would die before their time comes. Which, I did not understand. As a child, for me Death was liberation from all this game called world. A deep sleep, just like the Sleeping Beauty had. I was comfortable with Death because I felt that there is more to it. Death was everywhere for me. I hold so many chickens in my hands as they were dying. My dear cats that also died. I witnessed what it means to take an animal’s life to provide food on the table and I also watched my grandma and mother as they were grieving for my grandfather.

I still remember when I climbed a chair (I was 2-3 years old) and arranged his flowers in the coffin. I was not scared; I was not sad. I felt a lot of love for my grandpa, and he just went to sleep like the Sleeping beauty. But my folks were grieving, and they had so much suffering. They felt abandoned, alone, in pain and uprooted.

Two years ago, my heart opened, and I cried my grandfather. I cried my eyes out because he left me with them, to deal with all that was coming through the lineage, because I knew how his love for me felt as a child and I missed that. I missed his love and growing up I couldn’t feel it anymore.

Until my eyes became wide open, I could see again, and my heart could feel that he remained by my side, he protected me in the spiritual realms, he was always there for me. I just had to open myself to it. The grief of abandonment was not mine. I remembered as a child that I did not feel abandoned by him. Fear of abandonment birthed worry in my family’s case.

As I grew, I became so irritable when I heard: “watch your step, don’t eat that, dress properly, don’t go there, don’t do that, what are you going to do” it became one of my biggest triggers. As a teenager I would just swallow my words, say “OK” to everything and find ways of doing things how I wanted within limits. But once I had a job and I was in college, I would blow up in arguments. I was a ticking box. I was done with this, being fed a spoon of worry from my family at each step.

Then I started to pick my battles, ignore more, block it. There is a saying that parents know which buttons to push because they installed it. I went on a journey of changing these buttons and The Worry came today so strongly.

How I see things, now.

Worry is a human emotions and parents feel it as their job is to keep the child alive. Firstly. This is totally understandable, the parent's role. But children grow, they become adults, even if in their parents eyes they will always be children. For me, worry is not a sign of love, it is a sign of assigning someone else the responsibility to "fix" the emotions, to make things better. In my experience, when you worry about someone, you place yourself higher than them, considering that person unable to take care of her/him. You chip away something from them, you may fall in the savior’s complex, or you create a problem when there is none. Worrying in general for me shows a lack of trust, a lack of faith. Maybe this is the reason why I consider that our job is to grow little people into empowered and independent people.

I’m currently learning how to wisely and compassionately place boundaries with people who are worried about me. And thanks to Kuan Yin (hello, Goddess) today I stopped myself from going overboard, explaining myself, wanting to show my teeth and bite when someone crossed my boundaries.

Walking my path in silence and solitude is something that I cherish. It is just me and Spirit. It is this container where I can rest, learn, heal, get back on track and see what is important for me and my journey.

I tried to look at them as 4 years old and that made laugh. I went into shadow work to see what was unconscious and roaming to the surface. I prayed. I went to my guides. Sometimes, no matter how much I want to be the bigger person, I can’t. So, I turn to Spirit to show me the way.

Bobinsana, thank you for softening my heart!

Sananga, thank you for the clarity!

Mapacho, thank you for holding the space in between and not only!

Dandelion, thank you for your wisdom and for the courage you blew upon me!

Thank you to our inner Observers and Masters!

Thank you to our Higher Selves for allowing us to cross paths.

Thank you Worry for your teachings. I welcome you in my life, and this means I also have conditions. Let’s look each other in the eye and see the Truth above all.

Om Mani Padme Hum

The sacred space is now closed. And so it is.

In service to the journey,

Alexandra, Guardian of Ianara